Life is hard

Life is hard. It's hard work, sometimes just breathing can be hard, getting out of bed in the morning, facing the day, the memories of loss creeping back into your head as you wake up and have your first cup of coffee. 

I'm here today to tell you that you have courage, deep in your heart, even if you don't feel it, even if you don't want it, it's there. God put it there. God will give you the courage to face your days. 

I have seen my courage from time to time, some days I don't need it, but it's always there, popping up when needed. I have lost the most precious things in this world....children. I've faced 4 miscarriages and the loss of a little boy in my womb because of a stupid disease. He grew in my belly with an extra 18th chromosome, called Edwards Syndrome, or Trisomy-18. I needed courage to pick myself off the floor and keep on living and keep trying to start a family. My husband gave me courage by not giving up either.

I came down with a scary virus that left me unable to walk, my muscles shaking instead of giving me strength, bedridden and scared. Even though I never received a diagnosis, I took steroids, turned to God and had courage to try to and beat it, and I did. 

Also, I lost the love of my husband, I was becoming too selfish, never giving, only taking and eventually ran out of things to take. I took out my courage and decided to fix myself. I was scared again, scared of losing my other half, scared of what the future would hold but God was with me then and showed me the way. Selfishness is the enemy of marriage. 

When I think life is hard, I turn to this quote and understand why bad things happen,"Sometimes the devil allows people to live a life free of trouble, cause he doesn't want them turning to God." (from God's Not Dead). God allows these things to happen because He wants us to turn to Him. I have an eternal life to look forward to, why would I want an easy 90 years on this earth? That's nothing compared to forever!